This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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