Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
