U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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