Three words: puerto rican gang bang
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
