Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Success! We fucked roommates!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
