God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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