you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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