I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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