shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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