This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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