am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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