i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
