oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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