Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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