She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
