My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
