is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
