a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
