Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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