tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
