Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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