I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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