I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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