Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
