you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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