I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
