Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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