I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
