hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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