Yo dont text me then not text me
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
