They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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