you guys were way drunker than both of me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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