i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
