i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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