did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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