This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
