whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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