the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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