Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
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we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
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I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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