Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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