so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
