I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
