Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
