I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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