The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my liver is dry heaving
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
