If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
