Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
