Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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