I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
