Only a mothe r could love this liver
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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