He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
