I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
