I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
