Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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