i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize