The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
