yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This toilet bowl is my home.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
