if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
