I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize