I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My penis needs a shock collar
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
