On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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