I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Your dad touched me again.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
