Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't deserve a penis
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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