when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
