So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
